Repetition

Well, back to work it was today. Took the first week of the year off and it was quite relaxing actually. The real frustration was trying to get the ole desktop PC fixed, but that's another story. The spouse went to work for half the week, so it was just me and the boys hanging out and playing games, reading magazines - whatever. Very pleasant and relaxing, as I mentioned already.

I really do want to make a habit of posting more regularly, but that hasn't been terribly easy recently. In the last few months the various time-suck devices that popped up have stood in my way. That should be a reason though, so here I am wondering about what to write about. I still lack focus in that area - topic. I always enjoyed writing stories when I was in school, but I was always at a loss for ideas. Once I had the kernel of an idea, I could twist that into something enjoyable, but alas I don't get paid to do that now. What I should be doing is coming up with ideas and writing them here.

Something I did listen to on the way home from work was part of a continuing series on the World At Six (CBC radio 1) about modern spirituality. Today they talked about a couple of people who moved and tried different things until they arrived at meditation-based practices. One was a form of Japanese Buddhism and the other was a rabbi who also uses transcendental meditation as part of what he does. The appeal of Buddhist meditation was that it is in stark contrast to typical "daily life" - quiet, still, peaceful. However the article brought in another view which suggested that the greatest spiritual benefits, changes, advancements - seemed to happen people practice in groups.

I always find it odd that the views are always laid out as distinct and (possibly) opposing. I'm sure that aspects of individual and group practices would be combined to achieve the greatest whatever. Balance doesn't arrive through concentration on one thing. The appeal of meditation and stillness is obvious. People feel encroached upon and need to create that mental space around them. They need to realize that mindset is what the meditation is helping to bring. If you believe you can create an oasis of calm (not clam) then you can. Meditation provides a framework to feedback that sense to you, so you can believe. Being alone is something I have always enjoyed. I think that I've been lucky that there have been times in my life when I can wander away and be alone - that I live where there are calm, peaceful spaces all around.

I have two distinct memories of calm that help me. I felt like the places were occupying me - I was the observed. The first at the lake near my parents cottage. This is no puddle - it was Lake Huron. It was heading towards sunset and I came out at a beach with large rocks right at the waters edge. I sat down on a large rock and stared into the lake. I don't even remember how long I was there; eternity perhaps. It didn't matter. The sun, the wispy clouds, gently lapping water. Everything just was. I realize this is a poor description, but description doesn't work well. It seems like it may sully the experience-that-was, for it was physical, immersive, singular.

The next time was at my parents house during a perfect winter's night. The moon was full and the house was dark. Looking into the front ward, the blue-black of the trees and their shadows criss-crossed the perfect white stillness. I had to go out there and just stand. The moon was so bright and that blue-white hue of the trees and the snow was compelling. The air was still and cold - each breath weighty with the chill - denser than normal. Have to be quiet - movement would shatter the moment. Just be. Cast a blue and purple shadow and exist. It was hard to go back inside, but it was perfect. I can't say what made it different than other times - I'd gazed upon the same scene for so many years - but this time it was quiet and I was alone with it.

That is what I wish I could give to someone who feels overwhelmed. Replace it with those feelings. I guess it's the opposite of agoraphobia.